3 Ways to Support Your Anxious Child
As parents we always want to be there for our children. We want to help them when they fall, dry their tears, and fix their troubles when they call. We don’t always get it right and often need help on how to support them. When we have anxious children, the things we think we know have been helpful at times and not at others. Truth is, we want to know how to support our anxious children so we don’t feel helpless in their time of need. Here are a few tips to get you going in the right direction.
Focus on your behavior and not theirs
Children in general will not talk to a person who asks too many questions. A child who is anxious will try to avoid answering as many questions as possible. It is understandable to want to help your child when they seem in distress, but you cannot make the distress go away, you can help the child manage it. Encourage your child to talk about how they feel and respect the answers given, but don’t empower the negative ones. If you tell them it’s ok not to talk, or tell others in front of them that they are not going to talk because they are “shy”, you will empower that feeling and they will continue in that cycle. Forcing them to talk will not work either and may make things worse, so be mindful of that.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
When your child feels anxious about a doctor's visit, a test at school, or going to an event, do not tell them that “the shot won’t hurt,” “they won’t fail,” or “they will have fun” because if the shot hurts, they fail the test, or they have a bad time, they will lose their trust in telling you why they are scared/anxious. Become self-aware when you are trying to “save” your child from their fears. Validate their feelings but don’t try to make them go away. For example, “I understand you are scared of getting a shot but even if it hurts a little, a lot, or not at all you are a strong kid and you will be ok and I’ll be right there with you.” See you are validating the fear of the shot but you are giving them facts that support reality. Children at this age need support both physically and mentally. Encourage your child by letting them know that whatever happens they will be ok and over time you will see them begin to gain more confidence.
Be the example
When you have simple things that you are stressed about, voice them out loud in front of your child and then reaffirm that you can handle it whatever the outcome. Remember to keep your cool and stay calm, after all this is the best way to manage stress and anxiety. This will give your child an example to follow when dealing with situations that they don’t want to talk about. You can even ask them to help you with coming up with a solution, yes even at this age. You will be surprised how they will begin to handle their own situations and ask you for help instead of retreating. This will also help them see that they are not the only ones who deal with being scared and it’s ok to ask for help.
Even when we don’t know exactly what to do, we can always find ways to help. The best thing for us to do as parents is to focus on our behaviors, keep things realistic, and be an example for our anxious children to follow. These are things that can be done at home to support your anxious child. At Healing Hart Wellness we have therapists that are here to help you and your child with the rest.