How to Talk to Your Child about Kobe Bryant
As you have undoubtedly seen in the news, this past Sunday, Kobe Bryant along with his thirteen-year-old daughter, Gianna, and seven other individuals, died suddenly in a helicopter crash. Around the world, people of all ages felt waves of different emotions as the news of the crash circulated quickly through many media sources and was repeated over and over. Alerts popped up on devices, and some children were exposed to the news before they even had a chance to be told by their parents what had happened. Last night, his wife broke the silence on her own grief, noting that there weren’t enough words to describe her grief and pain. Have you asked your children or teens how they feel about Kobe’s death, yet?
If you don't know much about Kobe Bryant, he spent all of his 20 seasons in the NBA as an LA Laker, earned 18 All-Star selections, five championship rings, and two Olympic gold medals. Kobe, who joined the NBA at 17, and was only 41 when he died, left behind three daughters and a wife. A man who was visibly dedicated to his daughters, he has also had scandal, causing a complicated legacy to remain.
I don't know your personal feelings about the legacy that Kobe left behind, or how this loss impacted you, but regardless of that, there is no doubt that Kobe was loved by many people of all ages, especially young people who grew up watching him play basketball. There’s no denying that some young people have been very impacted by his death, and some have expressed feelings of sadness, confusion, and grief. To complicate things, when there is a sudden, unexpected and tragic death of an icon, children are reminded that we are all just human, and they may feel fear that this could happen to their own parents or family members.
It is necessary that we give young people the space they need to heal and grieve. When talking to your child about Kobe Bryant's death, please consider the following:
Talk to your young person in developmentally appropriate ways about what happened. Remember that certain language can really be confusing for young people, and words like "lost" or "sleeping forever" might leave them with more questions like "How did we lose him? Where did go?" or "Why can't he wake up?" so (although it may seem more difficult) it is better to use words like "death" and "died" to help young people understand fully what happened.
Don't minimize the feelings that your young person is having about Kobe's death. You might find yourself wondering how a young person could feel so sad when they didn't really know Bryant. When you are connected to a legend the way some young people were connected to Kobe, it is personal. The connection they felt gave them the motivation to play harder, to practice a little longer, to believe in themselves a little bit more. Hold space for them to talk about how they are feeling, and even if you don't fully understand why they feel the way they feel, just listen and empathize.
Reassure them that their feelings are valid and okay to have, whatever they may be. Let them know that it's okay to grieve Kobe. If your young person shares that they are worried something like this could happen to you, let them know that accidents like this don't happen frequently, but at the same time, consider trying not to make promises you can't fully keep, like promising to "always be here."
Spend time with them and give them a little extra care. Be patient if they seem to be struggling. Be ready to provide support if they seem okay and then in a few days they start to process and become down.
Pay attention to the amount of media they are consuming about the event and how that is affecting them. If you have the news on frequently, consider turning it off when they are in the room so they are not inundated with more stories about the accident. Pay attention to their mood and watch for sudden changes or persistent irritability, sadness, or trouble sleeping.
Grief is complicated, and just because we don’t know a person directly doesn’t mean that we will not experience grief as though we did. Truthfully, there is one "right" thing to say to a young person who is struggling with grief or fear related to the death of Kobe Bryant or of any other individual. If you feel confused about what to do or what to say to your young person, consider reaching out to me to talk more with someone you trust or a mental health professional.
Healing Hart Wellness provides individual and family therapy for children, teens, and young adults. HHW also provides parent consulting both in person and via telemental health. To learn more about how HHW can support you and your young person, reach out to Courtney Hart, LCSW-C, at courtney@healinghartwellness.com.