Parents: Where is your self-compassion?

I got a call from a friend recently. She was in total disarray. Her daughter had stayed home sick from school for some time and had gotten used to it, and when the time came for her to go back, she begged and pleaded, tears and all, to stay home. When her mother insisted she go to school, she cried all the way to school and then had a meltdown in the parking lot. The teachers on duty came to my friend’s rescue and helped to retrieve her child, helping her into class.

My friend was a complete mess, thinking she was a bad mother. She thought this event was traumatizing to her child, and believed that she would never forgive her. My friend blamed herself for the entire situation and everything that just unfolded in front of what felt like the entire school. My friend told me about her day, and she made a statement that I have heard from the vast majority of the parents:“Being a parent is hard.”

We never feel good enough, the way we anticipate that things will play out nearly never ends up being the case. And when they don't, we blame ourselves, condemn our children, attempt to exert even more control, and increase the amount of pressure we put on them. We start to feel anxious and down in the dumps. When we do this, we look at our friends, relatives, neighbors, and even strangers and make comparisons between ourselves and them. We lose sleep. Where did we go wrong? Is there any way to get off of this roller coaster that just keeps going and going?